Nearly Impossible – Update

This is an update to my original post from 2019, Nearly Impossible. Although my episodes of depression still come, I know that God is faithful even in my darkest times, and that only He can make the “impossible” possible.

I had what I consider to be my first serious episode of major depression in college. I was clinically diagnosed with major depressive disorder after a year of postpartum depression in 1993. So I’ve been living with this for a long time. And I’ve learned that although it can be debilitating, it is temporary and I will climb out of the pit in time thanks to the grace of God.

Sometimes…
  • it’s just a slow sinking feeling like being in quicksand. But there’s nothing I can do to keep from being swallowed whole.
  • it’s like falling off a cliff. I’m fine one day, then the next day I drop into the abyss before I realize it, bouncing off boulders on the way down.
  • it is relatively mild and cycles through for several weeks.
  • it is deep and draining to my core and lasts for months on end.
  • there seems to be no reason for it, and sometimes an event, circumstance, or memory can usher in the darkness.

I’m speaking only for myself here.

My depression is…
  • The overwhelming blanket of sadness over my entire body that makes it nearly impossible to see anything but darkness.
  • The crushing heaviness on my chest that makes it nearly impossible to breathe.
  • The unending fatigue and other physical symptoms that make it nearly impossible to rise out of bed each day.
  • The isolation that comes because I don’t have the energy to pretend to be okay that makes it nearly impossible to stay connected to friends and community.
  • The foggy brain and lack of focus that makes it nearly impossible to accomplish anything productive.
  • The overpowering guilt for feeling this way even though things are much better for me than for many others, that makes it nearly impossible to approach friends for help.
  • The monumental sense of unworthiness that makes it nearly impossible to approach the throne of God.

As a Christian, I know God is always with me even when I can’t sense His presence. I know He will forgive me for not feeling worthy to commune with Him.

And most importantly, I know what is nearly impossible alone, is possible with God.

If you are battling depression, I encourage you to get in touch with a biblical counselor or a minister at your church. You can also email me directly at [email protected].

Also, be sure to check out the Depression resources on my Resources page.

Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.   Psalms 42:11 

Recent Articles

Seasons change. God remains the same.
Christian Life

Change of Season

In the Winter, things can look bleak. The sun doesn’t shine for days. Many things in nature look dead. The cold weather can keep you inside – isolated from others – longing for a change of season. Then slowly, temperatures begin to rise. The sun peaks its head from behind the blanket of grey in

Read More »
Christian Life

A Fresh Start

As one year comes to a close and a new one begins, we can have a fresh start in our lives. We can’t change the things that happened in our lives this year, but we can put our poor choices behind us.

Read More »
Christmas

Love Came Down at Christmas

Does any of this sound familiar? We don’t always look forward to the times when our houses are filled with family, for a meal or a week. Why do we let those little things cast a shadow on what Christmas really means?

Read More »
Christmas

Bring Joy to the World

While happiness is defined simply as a state of being, joy is something much more. It’s a feeling that stays with us, that emanates from our being, not dependent on certain circumstances or our current moods. But how do we find joy in our life and, more importantly, how do we share that joy with others?

Read More »
Christmas

What is Advent?

The Advent season is observed in many Christian churches as a time of reflecting on Christ’s first coming to Earth as a baby as well as in preparation and anticipation of his majestic return as King.

Read More »