Nearly Impossible

Sorry I am a few days late with my post this week. I’ve been dragging my feet on this one…

I knew the day would come when I would need to blog about this topic.

Actually I started writing this from a “matter of fact” perspective, where I would list several Biblical figures who struggled with being “downcast”.

Then I would list several “you may feel depressed now, but these will comfort you in the struggle” verses of scripture.

Lastly, I was going to quote several articles on “How can Christians be Depressed?” for those who think believers should be immune to this disease.

Instead of giving you quotes and examples of others, I’ve decided to put my own personal experience out there.  After all, I know about depression firsthand.

I had what I consider to be my first serious episode of major depression in college. I was clinically diagnosed with major depressive disorder after a year of postpartum depression in 1993. So I’ve been living with this for a long time. And I’ve learned that although it can be debilitating, it is temporary and I will climb out of the pit in time thanks to the grace of God.

Sometimes…
  • it’s just a slow sinking feeling like being in quicksand. But there’s nothing I can do to keep from being swallowed whole.
  • it’s like falling off a cliff. I’m fine one day, then the next day I drop into the abyss before I realize it, bouncing off boulders on the way down.
  • it is relatively mild and cycles through for several weeks.
  • it is deep and draining to my core and lasts for months on end.
  • there seems to be no reason for it, and sometimes an event, circumstance, or memory can usher in the darkness.

I’m speaking only for myself here.

My depression is…
  • The overwhelming blanket of sadness over my entire body that makes it nearly impossible to see anything but darkness.
  • The crushing heaviness on my chest that makes it nearly impossible to breathe.
  • The unending fatigue and other physical symptoms that make it nearly impossible to rise out of bed each day.
  • The isolation that comes because I don’t have the energy to pretend to be okay that makes it nearly impossible to stay connected to friends and community.
  • The foggy brain and lack of focus that makes it nearly impossible to accomplish anything productive.
  • The overpowering guilt for feeling this way even though things are much better for me than for many others, that makes it nearly impossible to approach friends for help.
  • The monumental sense of unworthiness that makes it nearly impossible to approach the throne of God.

As a Christian, I know God is always with me even when I can’t sense His presence. I know He will forgive me for not feeling worthy to commune with Him.

And most importantly, I know what is nearly impossible alone, is possible with God.

If you are battling depression, I encourage you to get in touch with a biblical counselor or a minister at your church. You can also email me directly at [email protected]

Also, be sure to check out the Depression resources on my Resources page.

Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.   Psalms 42:11 

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